I'm a Philosophy Master Debater!!!
So, I'm sick of people telling me that I steal quotes and ideas from philosophers. I'm serious. Fuck you, I have my own damn ideas, I don't steal them. Well, I only steal them from books I read. You see, I don't believe in reading. I steal most of my ideas from Fox News. They're philosophy isn't too difficult to wrap your mind around. That's why it's always on in the Whitehouse. It's not because they're retarded in there or anything. I mean, I would NEVER suggest anything like that. They just don't have time to think about complex ideas. They're too busy guarding the Republican party from the media. Those media bastards like to tear them apart. They get their guarding ideas from Fox News. Hmm, or maybe it's the other way around. I'm not sure. Anyway . . . .
The other day I was talking to a buddy about my symbolic views of the bible. I said something to the effect of, "If we're all the children of God, then what makes Jesus special?" I proceeded to go into a long drawn out discussion right after I grabbed my 15th beer of the evening. Somewhere along the line I was completely lost in my statement and my friend was puking on my shoes. After he finished puking, he said "Man, I think you stole that from Carl Jung or something." I was deeply offended. I've never read Carl Jung and I think my ignorance is proof of that. Reading causes you to get learned. I'm not for that.
Anyways. . . . . after I cooled down a bit, I went back into my discussion. I hit a point where I said "Religion is like some sort of drug. It pacifies us and gives us comfort. It's a crutch," I'm really original. I moved on to say, "You know, this is pretty far out there, but I would almost say that religion is the opiate of the masses." My buddy started laughing pretty hard after that. I'm not sure if it was what I said, which wasn't very funny, or whether it was the weed. Anyways. . . . He told me that I stole that from Marx and Engals. Now, I know I said I don't read, but I've read EVERYTHING by Engals, and I still tivo and watch all the reruns. Little House on the Prarie rulz. So, I tells him, "Dude, let me grab a beer." He looks at me like, "oks". So, after I got my beer, I tells him "aight, here's the dilio," then I went to throw up. Then when I got back I started to continue before throwing up again. So, finally, I sat down to say what I was gonna say. I tells him "dudes, those peoples are always in church and Laura is a good girl and stuff." I's like "they're like always high on God and stuff". He's like "dudes, aight, buts, wait, that's Ingalls, not Engals, I'm talking about Frederick Engals the Communist guy." I looks at him then and says "dude, I've seen every episode of Little House on the Prarie. Trust me when I say the dudes name is Laura and he's a girl." Can anyone say "checkmate"? Then my buddy puked on my shoes.
Anyways, don't mess with me on the stuff like philosophy and stuff. I'm totally the fuckin man at it and I come up with my own ideas. I rulz.
Alan
P.S. I need to clean my shoes off now.
The other day I was talking to a buddy about my symbolic views of the bible. I said something to the effect of, "If we're all the children of God, then what makes Jesus special?" I proceeded to go into a long drawn out discussion right after I grabbed my 15th beer of the evening. Somewhere along the line I was completely lost in my statement and my friend was puking on my shoes. After he finished puking, he said "Man, I think you stole that from Carl Jung or something." I was deeply offended. I've never read Carl Jung and I think my ignorance is proof of that. Reading causes you to get learned. I'm not for that.
Anyways. . . . . after I cooled down a bit, I went back into my discussion. I hit a point where I said "Religion is like some sort of drug. It pacifies us and gives us comfort. It's a crutch," I'm really original. I moved on to say, "You know, this is pretty far out there, but I would almost say that religion is the opiate of the masses." My buddy started laughing pretty hard after that. I'm not sure if it was what I said, which wasn't very funny, or whether it was the weed. Anyways. . . . He told me that I stole that from Marx and Engals. Now, I know I said I don't read, but I've read EVERYTHING by Engals, and I still tivo and watch all the reruns. Little House on the Prarie rulz. So, I tells him, "Dude, let me grab a beer." He looks at me like, "oks". So, after I got my beer, I tells him "aight, here's the dilio," then I went to throw up. Then when I got back I started to continue before throwing up again. So, finally, I sat down to say what I was gonna say. I tells him "dudes, those peoples are always in church and Laura is a good girl and stuff." I's like "they're like always high on God and stuff". He's like "dudes, aight, buts, wait, that's Ingalls, not Engals, I'm talking about Frederick Engals the Communist guy." I looks at him then and says "dude, I've seen every episode of Little House on the Prarie. Trust me when I say the dudes name is Laura and he's a girl." Can anyone say "checkmate"? Then my buddy puked on my shoes.
Anyways, don't mess with me on the stuff like philosophy and stuff. I'm totally the fuckin man at it and I come up with my own ideas. I rulz.
Alan
P.S. I need to clean my shoes off now.
posted by Bokonon at 11:52 AM
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